The Neighbor's Goat

Sanda Burță
Every Friday, Daddy comes to pick me up and take me to his and his whore's place, as mommy calls her, even though she knows her name is Ana. On the way, Daddy asks me what What's your mother up to?, even though her name is Irina. On Sundays, Mommy picks me up and I pretend I'm playing the entire ride. She addresses me with "mute", even though my name is Lia. I saw a cartoon with a super-caterpillar. It would focus and poof!, turn into a butterfly and fly uuup. It's Friday, I focus and poof! I look down and Daddy's car gets smaller and smaller, I look up and I see the soles of God's feet. I wonder: if I tickle Him will He look at me?
 
 Arthur Ianoși
When I met Marga, she was more hideous than Irinuca's daughter. She wore glasses, she had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was matted, she had a limp walk: you wouldn't have even traded your duplicate Turbo stickers for her. This was back in '94. My parents had punished me and sent me to the countryside to learn what work really meant. My hormones were raging like the ladies selling sunflower seeds outside the stadium. Go on, boy, take the goats out and bring the neighbor's girl too, she knows what she has to do with them, my grandma would say. I left a boy and came back a man. Today, we have two kids of our own.
 
 Răzvan Drăgoi
I'm suffering from excruciating pain of oxymoron and from rhotacism, I told him. He looked at me, trying hard to appear sympathetic. My wife's trying to lock horns with me while she's cheating on me, but I don't even grow horns; I think I might be calcium deficient too. Neighbor, be honest, man to man: do you think I have a hypotenuse? He made an ironic little sign of the cross and dismissed the idea. He was clearly feeling better. The situation's intense, I said, raising my voice a bit. From a can. Others are out there living in full-on Luxembourg, and we can't even afford an organic turpitude night with friends. The neighbor had a mental orgasm.

 
(Translated by Laura-Monica Doroiman / University of Bucharest, Faculty of Foreign Languages and Literatures, MTTLC, year I / Corrected by Silvia Petrescu, coordinator of the translations)