How to Find Your Match

Arthur Ianoși
Breakups hurt. Like beatings. Costeluș was left alone and bewildered. He knew what he needed. A pat on the back, rosy-lachrymose, like Ambrose. Because that's how our Ambrose was created. An empathic-charitable mixture, ready to be there for you even when you didn't need it. A kind of Spodermen hanging on your shoulder under the pretence that it was better to have him than not. She left me, dude. What am I gonna do? You do what dad did. It's pure Band-Aid, I swear. What? You drink yourself three sheets to the wind and ring up all the bitches with male names in your phone.

Mariana Gavriliu
I see you haven't the faintest idea. This is how it's done: Count the number of years between the moment you start looking for your other half and the maximum one when you'd like to be paired for life - let's say between 18 and 34, it would be 16 years. In the first 6 years (37 percent of the interval), reject everything. Then immediately conclude the pairing process with the first optionthat's better than the best of those first 6 years. That's all, a piece of cake, I saw it on a TEDx Talk. In case it's already too late, you may count retrospectively, but you run the risk of being bummed out.
 
 Nelida Holban
Be smart, I tell my daughter. After you get to know him somewhat, do a SWOT analysis on him. And pay attention to what you put down as strong suits. Don't bother looking for him to be handsome and vigorous, he'll grow out of those. They all lose their six packs, they all end up splashing the loo seat. Don't be pleased with how he kisses, with those same lips he could be lying to you just as well. When it comes to threats, bear in mind reputation and market share. Afterwards, jump to star sign compatibility. That's what you did? Yes. How compatible are you? 1%. Well, so? So what, it's been 35 years already.

(Translated by Ioana Ștefan / University of Bucharest, Faculty of Foreign Languages and Literatures, MTTLC, year II / Corrected by Silvia Petrescu, coordinator of the translations)