The Worst Movie Ever

Yuka Brevi
I'm a kid. We're going to the movies, in the summer garden. We gear up so we won't get cold, hungry, thirsty, need to pee, or poop. We boast to everyone that we have tickets and leave early to get there before it gets dark. We sit down, getting through all of the above. We wait for it to get dark. First, my friend self-praising, then, unbelievably, as big as a block, the movie "Kin-Dza-Dza Planet" starts. It's loud, colorful, in Russian. I get scared, start crying, getting slapped twice, and fall asleep on the pillows we brought. I think it was a bad movie; even mom said I have got beaten for nothing.
 
Laura Stanciu
At eight in the morning, Iris gets out of bed, rushes to the kitchen, and pours herself some water in some glass. When she brings it to her lips, her mother jumps to take it away: My thirsty darling, you know that only after you clean your tongue and teeth, we move on to tea and food, right? Iris goes to the bathroom, brushes correctly, rinses, spits, wipes her hands, and returns to her mother. Mommy, I do what you tell me, but in the movie from the last night, a woman drank coffee as soon as she opened her eyes because a man brought it to her on a tray. Was that correct?

Ina Moldoveanu
A man dressed in red was staring out the window where nothing could be seen. Every five minutes, he changed the seats. From a three-legged stool to a shiny one. In the end, the window broke. The news is buzzing. It's a masterpiece with a psychological undertone. The actor is nominated for the best award. But he didn't even sketch a gesture. I don't think you can criticize the performance if you don't know the artist's background. It's vibrant. He didn't take his eyes off the window for 90 minutes. Did he break the window with his mind? Not with a stone.

(Translated by Miruna-Gabriela Flipache / University of Bucharest, Faculty of Foreign Languages and Literatures, MTTLC, year I / Corrected by Silvia Petrescu, coordinator of the translations)


Real Fiction is a collective project started in 2013 by Florin Piersic Jr. The concept of Real Fiction continued to exist as a Facebook group, after a volume of stories was published at Humanitas Publishing House. (In April 2024, the group has 12,860 members.) The authors write ultra-short stories, with the texts limited to 500 characters (in Romanian, so the length of the English translation might be a little different) - a flash-fiction exercise on a topic that changes every few days. The group's coordinators are Florin Piersic Jr., Gabriel Molnar, Răzvan Penescu, Luchian Abel, and Vlad Mușat. (Drawing by Adrian T. Roman)

Versiunea în română a acestui text se poate citi aici, în rubrica Ficțiuni Reale.