Vlăduț, don't you wanna suck somethin'? asked Nemo, the count's new partner. I was about to say what I would suck, beat it, I've stuck my nail in the crypt, and it hurts like hell. Sweetheart? Want me to kiss away the pain? You know, there hasn't even passed a month since I've turned you and you are already starting? Don't you have a festival where you could make me miss you? Come on, Vlady, I hurt when you hurt. Can't you see that it has gone black? I know what to do, we will make them all black, Nemo jumped enthusiastically, and zealously began to hit the count's nails with a hammer.
Marius Stan
Oh, but the fangs, what big fangs you have. The better to bite you with. And the palms, what big palms you have. The better to catch you with. But the smile, what a charming smile you have. The better to enchant you with. But the words, how your words roll like marble balls on the velvet of speech. The deeper to seep into your heart with. And such strong arms you have. The tighter to hold you with. But the spike, what a sturdy spike you have.
Camil Popescu
On his fifth birthday, Vlad Țepes received a miniature spike from his father. One day, while he was playing with it in the courtyard, he saw the cupbearer Șuțu leaning over the fountain. He looked at the spike, then at Șuțu's buttocks, again at the spike, then he sprinted from one corner of the courtyard to the fountain and drove the tip of the spike directly in Șuțu's rump. The cupbearer leapt up and took off running, hands on his arse. From the window, the father caressed his beard proudly: I have a magnificent son and I love him to the moon and back.
(Translated by Ana Maria Mitruș / University of Bucharest, Faculty of Foreign Languages and Literatures, MTTLC, year I / Corrected by Silvia Petrescu, coordinator of the translations)
Versiunea în română a acestui text se poate citi aici, în rubrica Ficțiuni Reale.